4 questions to ask yourself before reaching out to your exadmin
Whether it’s Ross and Rachel or Carrie and Mr. Big, pop culture over the past few decades has taught us that relationships don’t necessarily end when they break up and can drag on for years. So it’s no wonder that many of us don’t find it easy to put an end to broken relationships either, and that questions like “What if…” keep circling around in our heads.
Especially if you are single and/or frustrated with dating (because, let’s be honest: is there anything more exhausting than constantly exchanging the same small talk phrases?!), sooner or later you may sooner or later think about contacting your ex and warming up an old relationship. What you should ask yourself beforehand:
1. Why did you guys break up?
The first thing you should ask yourself is: Why did it end? Was there a clear reason or did you just drift apart? Was the breakup one-sided? When we think about trying it again with an ex, we often only think about the good times we had together and ignore those that were ultimately decisive for the breakup – this can be tricky and possibly lead to old patterns repeating themselves.
2. Have you REALLY forgiven your ex?
You think the grass has grown on it and you’ve forgiven your ex for the things that ended it – but did you really? Or are you just telling yourself it’s because there were so many beautiful moments together and you just miss the romantic idea of ??a person? Think about it.
3. Do you expect that he*she has changed?
Honestly: Do you assume that your former partner has learned something new, understands your needs better, can finally take responsibility, etc.? It may indeed be the case and he*she has changed, but it may not be.
Of course we all change again and again, learn from mistakes and develop further – but maybe not in the direction that the other would want. Maybe distance and change also mean that you hardly have anything in common anymore. Having realistic expectations and approaching them carefully can save you some disappointment.
4. Do you miss him*her or just the comfort of a partnership?
Last but not least: Do you think you really miss your ex-partner or maybe it’s just togetherness that you’re missing? Having someone you can feel comfortable with, confide in, and rely on is a great thing that’s often lacking, especially when you’re single. So it’s no wonder that many of us occasionally toy with the idea of ??trying it out with our ex again – especially during the cuffing season (more on that here !). Before you really take the step, think carefully about what exactly it is that you miss and whether it is really worth the risk of being disappointed.