Avoid these three types of friends for Happy Lifeadmin
Friendships have at least as much impact on our lives as love relationships. And just like such, they can become distressing. Social worker Shannon Thomas deals with such so-called toxic friendships. Teen Vogue outlined three of the most common types.
1. The reproachful one
She*He looks at you, eyebrows raised. You would have betrayed her*him. Offended, forgotten, or otherwise hurt. And you don’t know what she*he is talking about.
It’s not really about you. She*He has much more of an image of you in her head that she*him attacks. ” It’s like these people have a constant argument with a completely different person, but the words are directed at you. This kind of behavior creates confusion and hurts feelings,” says Thomas. “She feels exposed and vulnerable and trying to figure out who her friends and enemies are. In her insecurity, she has defined you as someone who doesn’t really care about her and blames you.”
She*He constantly provokes drama and arguments between you and probably other people as well. She/he is probably only creating these problems to gain some form of control and to figure out who she/he can trust. She*He takes offense at every little thing, but always assumes you’re offended.
Thomas advises a peaceful solution: “Make it clear to her that you are her friend and only want the best for her.” But you don’t have to put up with everything: “If she accuses you rudely, tell her as calmly as possible that you are not the way she portrays you. Fight back against being constantly mischaracterized. That can be and is exhausting in the long run also the reason why many distance themselves from reproachful friends.”
2. The*The Bitter
Jealousy. Your job, your relationship, your emotional stability or your hair . No matter what it is about, envy and jealousy are poison for every relationship. The bitter friend may even have been a really great ally, but something happened and now they don’t want your life anymore.
” This person cannot and will not celebrate your life authentically with them. Emails, messages or calls in which you share exciting experiences are simply ignored. The bitter friend stubbornly refuses to congratulate you on your achievements,” says Thomas. “She’ll be quite obviously nagging at your accomplishments, critical, or derogatory.”
Here, too, the solution is: talk first! “Ask her what’s going on in her life, why she’s so hostile. Maybe she can open up and be honest about her feelings,” suggests Thomas. “It’s actually a perfect moment to actively listen and respond. When a suddenly bitter friend feels your support, they often go back to being the good friend they used to be.”
Unfortunately, that won’t always work. “The sad truth is that success simply shows who your true friends are and who’s really happy when you hit new milestones.”
3. The Calculator
The premier class we all know from early 2000s teen movies .
The calculating friend doesn’t want you to be happier, more successful, or better than them in any way. They attack you and try to sabotage parts of your life with frightening accuracy. She*He is not a real friend – she*he just looks like one.
She*He is constantly collecting information about all the people in her circle of friends in order to later use it against them in a targeted manner. Maybe you confided in her*him personal things that she*he just blurted out at the right moment. Of course, s/he always has a great reason why s/he betrayed your trust.
“She might even be manipulative enough to turn the whole thing around so you’re the bad guy,” Thomas explains. “Calculating friends don’t care if and how much damage they do to you.”
At first, she/he liked your strengths. Maybe you made him/her look good or were nice to him/her when nobody else was. Thomas explains that calculating personalities always want something that their targets have. They make friends to enjoy each other’s circumstances or try to get something for themselves. They know exactly what they are doing and sometimes it’s all just a game. Try to pay attention to patterns in their past, usually you are not the first victim.
There is no salvation here – get out of this unhealthy friendship, preferably unobtrusively and slowly. Slowly stop responding to messages, find a new hobby that’s taking up your time. “Boundaries don’t always have to be forcefully drawn. Sometimes the best boundaries are those we don’t articulate, but set through our behavior.”
Friendships must grow slowly
Friendships are constantly changing. The older you get, the fewer there are – but the more important is the quality of these friendships. And it’s best to grow slowly: “Friendships that become intense very quickly can be very emotionally hurtful. A varied life, with different activities help to slow down new friendships – this way you can see if the person has the character traits that you want in your life.”