How do women secure their position of power when flirting?

break-up

How do women secure their position of power when flirting?

Each of us can flirt. A look, a smile, a certain pitch in which to greet the other person. But especially in the last year we haven’t had much time to practice and let’s be honest, flirting on Zoom isn’t the same. So we’re all a little out of practice.

Quick compliment
Now the bars are open, the clubs invite us to go out and compliment someone. Because nothing else is a flirt. A compliment that says “I like you” and carries no commitments. The meaning of the word says it all: “acting in love without having serious intentions”. You can have serious intentions, but you don’t have to.

flower on the floor
Incidentally, the history of flirting is a woman’s affair. “Fleur” comes from the French word for flower and earlier at court women looked at men closely and if they threw a flower at their feet they were allowed to flirt. Anyone who thinks the behavior is history is wrong. Because even if this is a male-dominated world, according to the Max Planck Society , women in heterosexual constellations still have the reins in their hands. She sends the first signal, be it eye contact, a smile, playing with her hair.

Start for the future
Within the first 30 seconds, the man decides whether he will respond to the woman’s signal and whether the chemistry between the two is right. Scanning a second person doesn’t take any longer than that. “The man should try to get the woman. Courtship is important. If you set the hurdles too low, i.e. put your interest at your feet at the first signal, it has a negative impact on the possible later relationship”, says the couple and sex therapist Dr. Beatrice Wagner to ELLE .

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But it’s 2021!
Anyone who has paid close attention here will now say: But that won’t be possible in 2021. That’s theoretically true. But even if this goes against our feminist principles, according to Beatrice Wagner, this is how sexuality works. She speaks out against making yourself small and stupid as a woman, but giving the man the chance to act. Woman can calmly signal: You have chances, but you have to make an effort.

full control
according to dr Wagner, this is even the best way for a woman to keep control of the situation: “Actually, the woman takes on the royal role. Let the man come. Let yourself be wooed and give him the feeling that he is a bit hunt. And never forget: If you don’t want to be hunted anymore, then just get out of the forest. You decide! Always!”

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