How to teach your partner that you need time for yourself

relationship

How to teach your partner that you need time for yourself

Especially in times of exit restrictions and lockdowns, many of us have spent an unusually large amount of time with our loved ones – after all, social contacts should be kept to a minimum. If you have now noticed (perhaps also completely independently of Corona) that you actually long for more time alone – but don’t know exactly how to teach your sweetheart – then we have a few tips for you here:

1. Be specific
Telling the other “I need some space” can sound pretty harsh and hurt at first. Let your partner understand what exactly you mean by that, for example: “I’m feeling pretty stressed right now and I’m going to go for a run” or “I would like to watch my series tonight and I don’t have any energy right now, something in common to do”. If you are honest and clearly state how you are feeling and what you need, then the other person has a better chance of understanding you and your needs – and will feel more comfortable speaking about your own just as openly.

2. Make it clear to your partner that you don’t want to distance yourself emotionally
Especially if the relationship is still fresh or your partner hardly feels the need for distance themselves, it can be important to make it clear that it is not emotional distance that you need. Just some time and space to be alone with you and your thoughts. Again, communicating clearly can help avoid conflict or hurt and give you both what you need for a healthy partnership.

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3. You feel “guilty”? Think about what could be causing this
If you’re feeling down about wanting alone time, think about what might be causing it. Maybe your parents used to make you feel guilty if you didn’t spend enough time at home or if you didn’t check in regularly? Something like this can shape into adulthood. But remember: you are entitled to time alone – even in a partnership. Don’t have a guilty conscience because you also demand them.

4. Make plans together
If you would like to distance yourself for a longer period of time and want to show your partner that it is only temporary and that your relationship will not change, then suggest that you do something together soon – such as a trip or weekend trip. This is a way of letting them know that you enjoy spending time with them and that you’re looking forward to togetherness (which you’ll probably enjoy even more if you’re not constantly picking at each other). At the same time, it will be easier for him/her to “give up” on you a bit if an early reunion is already planned.

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