Overview of HEALTHY Relationships

relationship

Overview of HEALTHY Relationships

What is manipulation? How to recognize them? Examples and key features. What are the methods of protection? How to effectively resist manipulators?

The subject of manipulation of consciousness is extremely relevant for me. Due to the inability to set personal boundaries, I very often allow other people to manipulate me.

The problem is doubly serious due to the fact that by nature I am quite insightful, I feel a lot at the level of intuition, I believe in my feelings , I can think logically and have an excellent memory.

“I always KNOW EXACTLY and feel when I am being manipulated…”

And I suffer terribly from this, because I can’t resist: the internal blocks and attitudes imposed by society, the unwillingness to conflict, the subconscious desire to “be a good / decent / decent (read: comfortable) girl” are very strong. I endure for a long time, and then I explode.

And sometimes the situation comes to the point that I cut off all ties with people just to stop feeling like a victim of manipulation … But I think this is wrong.

No matter how difficult it is, you need to learn how to interact with others, even when it comes to manipulation. After all, many do it unconsciously, it’s just enough for someone to give a rebuff to the situation once, to ask someone directly not to play with feelings.

Manipulation of consciousness: what is it, how to recognize and protect yourself

“Therefore, today I will try to figure out what MANIPULATIONS are , how to deal with them correctly and what you need to remember”

To live in harmony with yourself and other people, excluding from the social circle everyone with whom you definitely don’t want to do business and building honest and pleasant relationships with those whom you would like to see in your life for a long time. Most people perceive manipulation as a normal form of interaction and do it unconsciously…

No one sits and draws up a plan: here I have a goal, this person can help me, now I will analyze his weak points, choose the actual method of influence and use this fool in such a way as to achieve my goal as efficiently as possible. Not at all, few people manipulate consciously.

The fact is that our society itself is manipulative, so this form of interaction works in many families. Children are born in them, they adopt the form of their parents’ behavior, pass it on to their children, and so on. And very often, people simply do not know more environmentally friendly behavior patterns.

Manipulation of consciousness: what is it, how to recognize and protect yourself

“ We are not taught in school to RESIST manipulations, and we are not always able to see them”

The only bell is an unpleasant aftertaste that often appears after communicating with a person. It seems that they said good words to each other, and smiled, and joked, and he showered you with compliments, and you promised him a mountain of everything, and then, when you are left alone with yourself, a nasty feeling appears that you were used.

And everything would be fine – well, they fell for manipulation, well, they did what the other person wanted – nothing fatal happened! But the more often this happens to you, the more internal problems appear: you become more weak-willed and less self-confident, often find yourself in the role of a powerless victim, forget about your needs and desires.

Mind manipulation: definition and key points

But not everything is so scary and unpleasant. To resist manipulation is quite possible to learn – at least those that you want to resist.

“A little bit of patience, courage, willingness to WORK ON YOURSELF and interact with people consciously – and voila, new habits and skills will appear!”

And with them, a huge charge of energy, inspiration, inner strength will be released, which was suppressed with each swallowing of the bait of the manipulator and spent on the implementation of other people’s goals, plans and ideas. The world is beautiful in communication and interaction with other people, so it makes sense to learn to build eco-friendly relationships, sincere and honest, pleasant for all parties.

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Manipulation of consciousness: what is it, how to recognize and protect yourself

Mind manipulation: definition and key points
Scientific psychology defines manipulation as a kind of psychological influence that implicitly encourages a person to change his attitude towards something, to do something or make a decision in the right direction for the author of the manipulation. A priori, we are talking about a hidden impact.

“Oxford Dictionary: MANIPULATION is the act of covertly controlling or influencing people with dexterity and disparaging overtones”

The Modern Dictionary of Sociology (New York, 1969): manipulation is the exercise of power in which the possessor influences the behavior of another without revealing the essence and nature of the behavior that is expected.

Mind manipulation: definition and key points

The main properties and features of manipulation:

The influence is exclusively hidden – if it is open, then this is already a conviction, in my opinion.

The action is clever, allowing you to beat your partner – not always to the detriment of his interests, by the way. Manipulations can be directed in favor of the promising interests of the partner (but this does not change things, as for me, because the ideas “I want the best” for you and the manipulator may be different). I consider manipulations acceptable only in rare cases of interaction between parents and young children – when you need to distract from whims, switch attention, help understand something or protect from something.

In response to actions and words , negative emotions are always born (anxiety, fear, guilt, disgust, shame, anger, etc.) and discomfort is felt in the body (headache, stomach pain, fading inside).

The sensitive points (targets) of the manipulator can be both negative character traits, interests, principles, habits (“You don’t want to be impolite and refuse to help?”), And positive ones (“You, as a responsible person, will do this and that ?”).

Usually the behavior of the manipulator does not match the words – when a person says really good things, his body shows the same thing. If the interlocutor is manipulating, the body speaks separately (closed poses in a sweet conversation, hands near the head, etc.).

Most often, they manipulate on a feeling of fear (“if you do this, it will be good, if you do otherwise, it will be bad”), shame (stories about how good mothers, best husbands, loving children do not act), pity (our society requires a demonstration of “virtue” ), guilt (especially in personal relationships), the desire to save money (shops), conscience (often turns into outright blackmail).

Manipulators love the role of the victim – they often position themselves as protectors and benefactors, and they shift the blame on others for the fact that something does not go the way they intended. Elderly parents shift the responsibility for their inadequate reaction to their children (“Because of you, your mother’s heart was seized!”, “You don’t get married, you don’t give us grandchildren, we are so worried, life is not sweet to us …”), wives and husbands to each other , children are “offended” by their parents, begging for gifts and indulgences, etc.

Manipulation examples: how it works

Manipulation examples: how it works
There are a lot of examples of manipulations in our life and everyone can bring their own. Despite the fact that we all constantly use different options for exposure, most often unconsciously. It is worse when manipulation becomes the main way of interaction and begins to spoil life.

Which of us, instead of clearly expressing our feelings and calmly asking (“Be kind, wash your cup after you, I don’t like it when we collect a mountain of dishes in the sink!”), Does not begin to appeal to a person’s self-esteem, does not try to call feeling of guilt (“You always don’t wash your cups after yourself, and I have to clean up after everyone, lazy people, and then the devil knows what’s going on here again!”)? Familiar? For sure!

Example in the office: “This report must be done by the 15th of the month” – “If you don’t make this report by the 15th, you will let the whole team down!”

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Even in everyday life: “Please come home by ten!” – “Normal people don’t climb the street so late, they sit at home with their families!”

Or like this: “Got a job? Great, good luck in your new place, patience and inspiration!” – “Found a job? Congratulations! Yes, the salary, of course, is small, and the position is not very good, but at least something … ”

The first answer in each of the examples causes a completely positive reaction, the second causes shame, guilt, irritation, self-doubt, undermining self-confidence and lowering self-esteem.

Manipulation examples: how it works

“And these are the simplest EXAMPLES of unconscious manipulation, what can we say about conscious influence?”

And, it happens that they say good things, but with a specific purpose. Example: “You are our best and most responsible employee! You won’t disappoint us, you’ll come out to work on New Year’s Eve, right? There is no one else to rely on, and you, we know, will do everything in the best possible way, the company is counting on you!” It seems that the reaction is positive, but it forces you to do what you don’t want to – instead of a restaurant on New Year’s Eve, go to work, it’s kind of inconvenient to let people down, disappoint and lose the status of “the most responsible”.

Relatives love to manipulate us – like: “Naturally, now you rarely call, you don’t need a mother in adulthood. But I gave you the best years and put my whole soul into it!” Or you can do it differently: “I love you and miss you, call me more often and come!”. And also this feminine “If you loved me …” – you would do this, this and this, yes.

Manipulation examples: how it works

How to deal with manipulation: ways and methods
To cope with manipulation, you must first work on yourself. Yes, not over the outside world, but over yourself. If you are a strong, self-confident, harmonious person with properly built personal boundaries, it will be easier to cope with any impact.

“First you need to learn and understand, accept and use your RIGHTS – something that many people forget about”

To build protection against manipulation, you need to learn the basic rights: to any desires and feelings (by itself, remembering that your freedom ends where the freedom of another person begins), to take care of yourself and loved ones …

… the right to ask and refuse what does not suit …

… the right to make mistakes and be responsible for the consequences, to have your own opinion and make decisions … … the right to protect yourself and your own interests, behave as you see fit, not be accountable for behavior to anyone (of course, taking into account obligations to family, colleagues etc.)…

… the right to not know something, not to want, not to understand and not to be interested …

…the right not to need anyone’s approval or evaluation…

And remember that the people around you have all these rights too.

How to deal with manipulation: ways and methods

Having built a defense, it is desirable to become aware of your targets – those weak points that you can hit in order to force you to do what the manipulator needs. These can be principles (“I always keep my promises”, “I always help everyone who needs it”, “I always do my best work”), attitudes and beliefs, desires, features of upbringing (inability to go into conflict with elders). , rooted ideas about how “good girls” act), desires and needs (for love, recognition), dependencies and values, states and feelings (fear of being unloved and lonely, for example), etc.

“That is why I am sure that the most effective METHOD OF PROTECTION against manipulation is work on oneself …”

If everything is in order with your boundaries and peace reigns in your soul … if there is no mess in your head from stereotypes imposed by society about who, to whom, what and in what volumes … if you live in harmony with your inner world and loved ones, confident in yourself and know exactly what you want … if you consciously shape the environment and build relationships with people, it will be very difficult to manipulate you.

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But it’s still possible. Because no one ever knows how far the manipulator is ready to go and what points to press in order to achieve what they want. So, methods of protection are also relevant for whole individuals.

How to deal with manipulation: ways and methods

How to protect yourself from manipulation:
Trust your inner voice – timely monitor and analyze the feeling of inner discomfort that appears when communicating with certain people. If outwardly everything looks fine, you communicate nicely, but such a disgusting discontent appears inside – stop contact with the person and analyze.

It is possible to force you to do what you do not want with a smile on your face, and with a demonstration of sincere love and care. But the result is always the same – when you are forced to do something, you feel discomfort. Do not ignore it, but look for the reason. Until you find it, do not renew communication with the person and do not promise anything.

If there is no way to stop contact , get out of the situation: go to the toilet, pretend that you need to call. Step aside, take a few deep breaths, shake yourself, straighten your back, feel the ground under your feet. This will help you enter a confident state, realize and feel your interests, remember your rights, and think about how to proceed.

You can counteract the manipulator verbally: ask a question head-on, revealing his hidden intentions, turn the conversation into a constructive direction, outlining the main points, ask specific questions (“How many hours should I work on New Year’s Eve, how will it be paid, is it really so necessary, where will the rest of the staff be, etc.?”, “You talk about my girlfriend disrespectfully – do you want to insult me ??or her?”, “You make me feel guilty – why? Do you feel good when I feel bad? What do you want? What actions do you expect from me?”, “What exactly did I do wrong?”).

How to deal with manipulation: ways and methods

Ignore the hidden goals of the manipulator and not let them break through their boundaries, firmly standing their ground and arguing correctly (remembering their rights). You should not get off with phrases about “a lot of work” and “somehow later”, it’s better to immediately say “no, I don’t want to”.

Clarifying your motives and clearly defining causal relationships is especially important with relatives when they appeal to feelings: “Grandma, I love you very much, but I won’t account for every step, since I’m already an adult and I have the right to my life. But this does not make my love less”, “Honey, I love you, but I won’t wear this suit, because I don’t like it. And the choice of clothes has nothing to do with my feelings for you,” etc.

There are many methods to counter manipulation, but many of them are based on reciprocal manipulation and lies. For me, such options are unacceptable – no matter how difficult it is, I am sure that you need to be honest and clearly delineate your boundaries. Otherwise, why are you better than a manipulator?

Only inner strength and willingness to defend one’s rights and interests will help to really effectively cope with unpleasant influences, while maintaining self-esteem and keeping the defense of personal boundaries.

In general, remember that life is one and consciously form your circle of friends, build eco-friendly relationships. Then the need to defend will appear less frequently. Work on yourself, develop, live in harmony and everything will be fine!

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