When parents have different parenting styles


When parents have different parenting styles

Parents with opposite parenting styles can impact children. This article will help you find common ground and raise a happy child.

Parenting can be a real challenge for spouses with different parenting styles. Consider these ideas for creating a peaceful atmosphere at home.

Striving for a uniform form of education is always difficult – acceptance is the first step
Let’s imagine you slept for two hours and just lost your job. How would you react if your 8-year-old spilled his dinner on your new white carpet? Let’s also assume that your husband won a substantial sum in a lottery and slept 14 hours last night. How would he react to the same spilled food?

I would bet money that each parent would react very differently to the same behavior. So why do we expect parents to form a united front with their children? Do both parents have the exact same feelings, stress, expectations, and parenting style? No, they do not have. Parents are not consistent with each other, nor can they be expected to be consistent with their children.

Children can deal with things in different ways
My son Stefan was two years old and learned that when he went shopping with his dad, he had to stay in the shopping cart and sit down in the small basket. But when he was shopping with Mommy, he could hang down from the cart and walk around. When he was with dad he never tried to get out of the shopping cart and he always tried with mom!

If any parent has ever attempted to explain to their child the different voice tones expected in different environments, they would know that children can deal with different expectations. The voices in church, on the playground, in the house, and at nap time all have different volumes. Children can tell the difference and won’t get confused when different environments require different behaviors.

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They learn that they can walk in the playground but not in church. They can jump on grandma’s sofa because grandma allows them but not at home. They have to clean up the toys at daycare, but they don’t have to do it at dad’s, and sometimes they have to do it at mom’s. Don’t worry that they can get confused. They don’t.

It’s okay to disagree
Instead of a united front, it is better to form an “equal team”. It’s okay to disagree about how things should be handled. There are many right ways to parenting and a few wrong ways. The opposing parents can discuss in private and identify the absolutely non-negotiable issues and then present the children with their agreed ones. Ideally, that is exactly what should happen. What usually happens is that there is no prior discussion. Otherwise, the parent who disagrees goes with the other to present a united front to the children.

The kids can always feel this and know that there is some leeway to work on mom or dad, whoever the parent is, who isn’t 100% committed. Children are not stupid. You know when a parent isn’t entirely honest. It’s better for everyone involved if both parents are honest about their feelings and points of view, but support the one parent who feels the strongest about this issue. The parent who feels the strongest will deal with it. For whom is this topic more important?

There is no need to undermine the other parent in decision making
You may have a different point of view, but support your spouse in their decision. Don’t undermine him as a parent to your children.

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The key here is to be SUPPORTIVE, not UNITED.

Honest communication is preferable. A simple explanation to your child, such as, “I don’t feel the same about sleepovers as Dad does, but I do care about his feelings and I think it’s best to talk to him about it if it’s making you sad.”

The partner who isn’t there quickly becomes the ‘expert’
According to parenting magazine Maternal Instincts , it’s important to remember that unless a person spends 14 hours a day with a child, they rarely see what it means in practice to be a parent for so long, day in, day out. People who spend little time with children are idealists in their parenting: they are their work partners, friends, relatives and medical professionals. They may be the parenting “experts” telling you what you “should” be doing.

Unfortunately, they aren’t there twenty times a day to hear you say “no” twenty times and only hear the one “yes” you wearily announce at the end of a long day. You think you’re being too revealing. Working long hours with children requires a pragmatic, non-idealistic approach. Just do what works! If you give in at the end of a long day, don’t beat yourself up about it! It is in order.

There are no perfect parents
Perfection in education is impossible. Do what you can MOST of the time and you’ll be an outstanding parent!

What a partner starts, they should finish
It’s not fair to punish a child and then ask a reluctant partner to help you carry it out. If the father imposes a punishment on the child and then leaves town for two days on a business trip, is it really fair to ask the mother to carry out the punishment while he is gone?

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If the parents are divorced and live in separate homes, do not expect the other parent to carry out the sentence you have imposed. They must not have the same parenting style.

If possible, agree on several core values ??before having children.
Try to agree on three core values ??that you share and will work towards. My husband and I came up with these values ??in our family:

not to hit anyone
Rudeness is unacceptable, regardless of age
We agreed that we would raise our children at home instead of leaving them in the hands of others. Your family’s three core parenting values ??may be unique to your family.
Remember, these rules will help guide both of you towards more peaceful parenting, more honest communication, and less guilt.

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